Claire Seeber shares her key tips for advancing professionally without being a people pleaser.
I remember the day so clearly about 10 years ago when I received a piece of advice that would literally change the course of my career.
I remember it because it hurt. But it hurt because it was true. A mentor said this to me –
“Claire, if you keep giving, people will keep taking, and that is your fault, not theirs”.
Ouch, right?
At first, I felt mad and misunderstood for what they’d said to me, but then I realised that they were right.
We train people how to treat us, in work and in life.
For many years in my career I had fallen into the trap of saying yes to everything, and then having to hustle, grind and sacrifice my own wellbeing to get it all done.
I was a people pleaser. And, truth be told, I still am, but through targeted tools, strategies and discipline I’ve learnt how to use the best parts of my people pleasing tendencies, and trim the less helpful parts in favour of actions that have seen me get ahead, AND have a career built more on happy.
When it comes to our careers, we often hear advice like “say yes to everything”, or “seize every opportunity”, it’s no wonder then that we struggle to say no to things. It’s also no surprise that disengagement and burnout rates are at an all time high, with the latest 2024 Gallup report estimating that 8.9 trillion US dollars is lost each year due to absenteeism, lost productivity and turnover.
In order to get ahead at work without being a people pleaser, and build a sustainable career we feel good about, there are five key things to get clear on:
Know yourself and your Career Values
As people pleasers we often have a tendency to place too much value on what others think of us, or we tie our worth up in meeting the needs of others, and forget about what is important to us. To drive a sustainable, fulfilling and happy career, knowing what your motivators are, your strengths, and your own personal triggers, is not only helpful information to help you make better decisions in the moment, (AKA thinking you need to be all the things to all the people!), but also enables you to make better decisions for yourself about your career from the inside out, as opposed to the outside in.
Be clear on your Professional Brand – and no, it isn’t saying YES to everything
Get specific on what you really want to be known for in your career. Pick 4 -5 words that you’d like to represent and then map those with behaviours that fit. As a people pleaser you may want to be seen as someone who is helpful for example. Great! But what other ways are there that you can still be helpful without saying yes to everything?
Be strategic in the relationships you need to cultivate and position yourself for the future
People pleasers often have great relationships with people at work – why wouldn’t they, they are there to support everyone! In order to get ahead in your career though, you need to become more intentional about the specific relationships and networks you need to nurture. Who do you need to know in your workplace, and who needs to know you in order for you to get ahead? Work that out and then invest your time and efforts there.
Be clear on impact and outcomes over inputs
Previous advice may have taught you to take everything on and hope that someone notices and rewards you for it. A better approach to getting ahead in your career though is to start asking yourself more consistently “Am I just busy being busy here, or am I being impactful?”. The more you can focus on the outcomes of the things you are working on, and then translate that to your manager, team, or other stakeholders the more they will see you as the value add, high potential leader that you are, and less as the reliable, but “go to for everything” person in the team.
Future you needs you to master boundaries and then have the discipline to hold them
Holding a boundary is more than just saying no. Boundaries can be getting more clarity on a situation or a requirement before just blindly saying yes to it. Boundaries can be saying yes, but on your time and on your terms. They can even just be directing traffic to someone else who can help. In order to get ahead in your career, it’s critical to get more comfortable with boundaries in all forms, and have the discipline to then follow through on them.
Start putting these tips in place and you’ll be on your way to ditching the people pleasing tendencies at work and instead creating a career game plan that puts your happiness first.
Claire Seeber is a globally accredited leadership and career coach, speaker, trainer and author. She is particularly passionate about supporting women to build careers that enable them to thrive. www.claireseeber.com.au Her new book: Less Hustle, More Happy, is out 27 August.
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